csmars

My first entry on LJ!!!!  LOL, I'm officially shedding my lurker status because the plot bunny hit me hard with this one.  And it's a series that I only started watching ~5 days ago!  Damn, I feel sorry for Brian and Justin because I have so many unfinished QAF stories floating in my laptop! >.<  I still love you guys though!

 

TITLE: Exhale (TORCHWOOD)
PAIRING: Jack/Ianto
SUMMARY: "One can love wholeheartedly more than once in a lifetime."
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Like I wrote, only started watching TW less than 5 days ago.  Finished both seasons and absolutely love every episode!  Okay, so maybe not the "countrycide" episode, that was freaky and like a bad American horror movie. Anyway, I probably don't have the greatest grasp on the characters yet since I've only read about 5 janto fanfics and a few discussion boards but hopefully this is okay.  (lol, it's short, b/c I ended it before I made it from "bad" to "horrible.")
WARNING: umm... OOC-ness?... sorry.  Also, this is unbetaed, i think my gramma is okay.  >_> *crosses fingers*
DISCLAIMER: This is fanfiction for pure entertainment purposes.  Torchwood belongs to Russell T. Davies and BBC.  Bless them!

 

 

 

 

I watch him stride across the room, unable to focus on the report in my hand or keep my lips from curling into an upward turn.

 

He is amazing.  As a person and as a lover.  For him, there is no amount of pain I wouldn't endure. 

 

Unfortunately, I will be the cause. 

 

That's the thing about living forever.  You're forced to watch those you love grow old and die, while you stand over them disconnected and helpless.  When the truth about Estelle was finally revealed, we just stood together, holding one another, as if trying to draw out each other's last breath before letting go.

 

How many have came and left?  Love, and eternity... but love is infinite and able to spread across many.  One can love wholeheartedly more than once in a lifetime.

 

I remember those whom I have loved in the past and I remember the painful squeeze of my heart when they left.

 

I loved them, each one differently; and altogether different from how I love him.  It's difficult to put it in words, like when one marvels at the facets of nature and is suddenly hard-pressed to form coherent thoughts that would accurately portray the overwhelming feelings of warmth and wonder.

 

How long will I have to love him?  To be in his presence and see his smile?  If we're fortunate, maybe another 50, 60 years.  But with a job like Torchwood one can never be sure.  

 

“Ianto?  Briefing in the boardroom in five!”

 

The sudden sound jerks me out of my musings, and I turn to see him raising his eyebrow in question.  Blinking back the wetness in my eyes, I let a small smile creep out beneath the embarrassment of getting caught zoning out while working.  “Got it!”

 

He stares straight into my eyes for another minute, looking for an answer, before turning and walking away from me.

 

I exhale slowly, and lament the day that I must leave him behind.

 

 

 

Comments adored and suggestions welcomed.